things i can summarized during a bout of depresion:
when i’m blank it helps to go outside on a nice day for a walk
to look at trees and take pictures visual or otherwise
sometimes it leads me to be inspired
when i’m sad it does not help to go outside on a nice day for a walk
to look at trees, to take pictures visual or otherwise
sometimes it leads me back inside
when i’m inspired it helps to write songs
to figure out patterns and connect the dots, to work hard recordinging
different parts and completing something deserving of however long it takes
when i’m blank it does not help to write songs instead it leaves me frustrated
sometimes it leads to self deprecation. i think to myself i just want to play a song.
when i’m sad it helps to play a song. to strum on strings and let myself sing.
sometimes it leads me to be inspired and i feel like doing so many things.
when i’m inspired it does not help to play a song. instead it brings my ego out of bounds
and i’m thinking ‘why don’t i have this’ ‘how come no one listens to me’ ‘i could play something better’
and when i’m blank i feel nothing by playing a song. instead it brings my ego out of bounds
i likely end up back at the beginning.
the abysmismal mark of depression, i’m guessing at how many weeks
it will take to find some releif or to make some kind of sense
always guesssing how soon it will be until i feel something inside
aside from what i’m hoping that you’ll see
the person that i want you to see is a false projection brought on by ego brought on by this imbalance
that i’m pretty sure, at this point, is in my brain
for me and not them
for them and not me
i guess that i’ll cry for some time and then it’s okay
my slate returns to a blank canvas that a beautiful painting couldn’t change.
but it’s not all the time
sometimes i feel perfectly fine and everythings great if not simply good;
the only time i’ll truly complain.